<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>My Silent Fears Have Gripped Me by EternallyEC</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029500">My Silent Fears Have Gripped Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternallyEC/pseuds/EternallyEC'>EternallyEC</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In Another Life [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Victorious (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Jori - Freeform, idiots to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternallyEC/pseuds/EternallyEC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on two prompts from the Jori Discord.<br/>The first prompt: "There never was an us."<br/>The second prompt: Jade holding a sobbing Tori. Tori cries themselves to sleep with their face buried into Jade.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tori Vega/Jade West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In Another Life [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey all! I just wanted to make a quick note here: these prompts were not written together. I wrote the first one and then a while later, saw the second and immediately thought of a continuation. So that's why they're being posted as separate chapters despite the prologue, as it were, being relatively short.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
  <div class="resolved">
    <p> </p>
  </div>
</div><p>
  <span>“What?” Jade said numbly, staring at Tori as though she had no idea who she was looking at. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said you should take the movie,” Tori replied, keeping her tone as casual as she could manage as she busied herself putting her laundry away, grateful for an excuse to turn her back to Jade. As good of an actress as she was, Jade had always been able to see right through her and she couldn’t afford a single slip-up. Not when it would come at such a high cost, the cost of Jade’s future. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew that if she was honest, Jade would turn down the opportunity in a heartbeat and she couldn’t have that. She knew that even if she wasn’t honest but Jade hoped they still had a chance, she’d turn down the role of a lifetime for her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both were unacceptable and though the alternative hurt more than she thought she could be expected to bear, she was willing to do anything for Jade. Even if meant shattering both of their hearts and destroying any chance of them ever having an actual relationship.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want me to leave for six months?” Jade asked incredulously, but Tori could hear the undercurrent of insecurity and she hated herself for putting it there. “Just like that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s there to talk about, Jade?” she sighed, finally turning to face her and willing her face into a neutral mask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Tori, how about us?” she snapped, but Tori knew her too well to think it was anything but a front. “We haven’t figured anything out yet but you’re okay with me leaving in </span>
  <em>
    <span>two weeks </span>
  </em>
  <span>to go to another country for six months?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tori sighed, folding her arms over her chest and meeting Jade’s eyes. The hurt that sparkled in their emerald depths tore at her heart but she willed herself to stay strong. Thinking of it as one of Sikowitz’s drive-by exercises seemed to help and she steeled herself for the acting challenge of her life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There was never an us. Don’t you get that, Jade?” she sighed, shaking her head. “I thought that there might be one day, but I don’t feel the same way anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jade swallowed hard and Tori forced herself to keep her eyes trained on hers, watching as her heart broke. It was all for Jade’s own good, she told herself inwardly, hating herself anyway as she watched the goth collapse onto her bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You… you don’t want me anymore?” she asked quietly, eyes begging Tori to tell her that it wasn’t true and it was all that she could do to resist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want us to be friends, Jade,” she said softly, refusing to budge no matter how much she longed to comfort the girl she loved. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you don’t have feelings for me anymore,” she said flatly, her eyes shuttering so that Tori couldn’t see what she was feeling anymore. “You’re abandoning me like everyone else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jade--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve said enough, Vega,” Jade growled, standing up. Her hands were clenched into fists at her sides but Tori could feel nothing but heartbreak. Heartbreak for the young woman she loved so desperately and wanted only the best for, the one who masked all of her insecurities and pain with rage. And heartbreak for herself too; self-inflicted though it may be for the sake of Jade’s future, it hurt no less and she found herself unable to breathe when Jade stormed past her, her footsteps stomping down the stairs and getting farther away until the door slammed loudly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then the silence was so loud that Tori couldn’t help but clasp her hands over her ears, slowly sliding to the floor where she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. </span>
</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
  <div class="resolved">
    <p> </p>
  </div>
</div><p>
  <span>Jade didn’t know how long she’d been lying on her back, just staring up at the ceiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mind kept playing back Tori’s words to her on a loop, but she’d run out of tears some time ago. The burning pain in her chest had turned into a kind of tight numbness that might actually be worse, and she had no idea how she’d even ended up here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d never thought that getting what she’d worked towards, that she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>dreamed of </span>
  </em>
  <span>for so many years would hurt this much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She certainly hadn’t expected the conversation with Tori to be easy by any means. They’d been working on their friendship for months, ever since Tori had drunkenly admitted her feelings to Jade at a party one night. Jade had panicked at first, but when she ended up taking Tori home and staying with her that night, she knew there was no running away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them fit together in a way that made her wonder why she’d resisted for so long. Tori had been insistent that they work on their friendship first and Jade had agreed, but lately, she didn’t know what the hold-up was. They’d been doing great, their usual fights still in place with almost no hostility or malice to them. That was just how they worked and once they’d figured that out, everything had seemed to be building up to everything Jade had started wanting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So yeah, Jade had expected there to be a fight of some kind. She figured that Tori would be hurt that she wanted to take it and she’d been prepared to defend herself, explaining that she’d already thought of video chatting and weekly phone calls and anything else to make sure they stayed in touch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What she hadn’t been expecting was Tori telling her to go without a moment’s hesitation or any sign that she was upset by the prospect. She hadn’t expected to be so </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt </span>
  </em>
  <span>by the idea that Tori didn’t even seem to care that she’d be in another country for half a year. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Jade damn sure hadn’t expected for Tori to tell her that she didn’t have feelings for her anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t even know why she’s surprised anymore; at this point, she really should be used to having the rug pulled out from under her. But it was different with Tori, it always had been. Because she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tori</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She was the girl who’d had coffee dumped over her head in her first five minutes at a new school and came back the next day and beat Jade at her own game. She was the girl who Jade could never push away because she’d just push back and became more determined than ever to be her friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because it was Tori, Jade had let herself sink into the friendship the way she never had felt able to with anyone else. She’d told her things that only Cat knew and some that even her best friend didn’t, and Tori had given her a kind of comfort that she hadn’t known she needed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d let herself trust Tori completely and in the process, her feelings had burst into bloom, leaving her head over heels in love with the other girl. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And just when she’d finally felt safe and secure in what was growing between them, Tori had destroyed it all with a few simple words that left Jade reeling and struggling for balance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jade can’t help but think that it must be her fault, racking her brain for the thousandth time as she tries to figure out what she must have done. Or is she really just that awful a person, that even someone as saintly as Tori fucking Vega couldn’t see a reason to love her once she knew Jade’s deepest secrets? The questions won’t leave her alone and she squeezed her eyes closed, desperately trying to drown them out by singing to herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice is scratchy and hoarse from crying and she sounds like shit to her own ears, but the familiarity of it is soothing as is the noise itself drowning out the oppressive silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She never even heard her window squeak open or the quiet sound of footsteps on her carpeted floor, and she had no idea someone was there until she saw a lanky figure standing over her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Jade could scream, Tori had covered her mouth with her hand. “It’s me,” she whispered, clicking on Jade’s bedside lamp so that Jade could take in her appearance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tori’s eyes were swollen and red, puffy from the tears she must have cried. Her face hadn’t fared much better and her hair was a tangled mess. She was wearing her usual pajamas of a shirt and leggings and Jade still thought she was the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hated herself for that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing here, Vega?” she snapped, recoiling from her touch. “And don’t touch me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tori immediately drew her hand back, looking hurt by the rejection. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fucking good, Jade thought bitterly, hardening her heart. She wasn’t going to give her a chance to play her again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I came to tell you the truth,” she whispered, tears trailing down her face. “I understand if you don’t want to hear it, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jade, give me a chance.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jade laughed, the sound harsh and cruel and cutting straight through the other girl. The sight of Tori flinching fueled her vicious need for retribution and she found the strength to sit up, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she stared at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I gave you a chance, Tori. I gave you a chance the night I chose to stay with you after you scared the shit out of me by getting drunk and spewing out your feelings. I’ve given you </span>
  <em>
    <span>months </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do things your way even though I’ve been ready for more. Fuck, don’t you get, Tori? I’ve given you nothing but chances and you just used them against me,” she tried to hiss, her voice just coming out broken instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Jade, and I screwed up,” Tori whispered, her voice thick with tears. “If I can just explain--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Explain what? That you’ve been playing me all these months and you’re glad I’ll be gone for the rest of the year so you don’t have to pretend to care anymore? Don’t worry, Tori, I know how to read between the lines,” she snapped, eyes blazing as she glared at Tori. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That I’m so in love with you that it scares me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tori’s soft answer stopped Jade cold, her twisting hands freezing in her lap and her entire body going stiff as she stared at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve wanted more for a while too,” she continued, her voice strengthening when Jade doesn’t interrupt. “But I was scared, Jade. We finally were friends after so long and all that I could think about was what if we didn’t work? What if we broke up and we couldn’t keep that? I thought maybe it would be better if we were just friends so that I knew I’d always have you in my life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She took a deep breath. “I knew that wouldn’t work, but I still couldn’t bring myself to risk it. I know it was unfair to you and I’m sorry, but the idea of losing you forever scares me to death.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jade couldn’t help but note the use of the present tense, her breath catching in her throat. No matter how much she wanted to stay angry, there was, as always, something about Tori that brought out the best in her and this was no exception.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So why did you lie to me tonight?” she asked quietly, her eyes boring into Tori’s as she knelt in front of the bed. Carefully gripping onto Jade’s knees for balance, Tori relaxed when Jade didn’t snap and kept them there so that she could meet her gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was afraid that you’d refuse the role because of me,” Tori whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I thought that I was doing the right thing by letting you go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a fucking idiot,” Jade exhaled, pieces suddenly clicking into place and releasing some of her along with them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Tori sighed. “I couldn’t stop crying after you left, thinking about how much I’d hurt you and then I couldn’t sleep. I ended up outside your house and used my key to get in. I didn’t know if you’d even see me, but I just had to explain, Jade. I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me now, but I didn’t want you to blame yourself for this too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re such an idiot,” Jade growled, pulling her into a kiss. Tori let out a squeak of surprise before relaxing into the kiss, their lips moving together for just a moment before she pulled back, resting her forehead against Jade’s as they breathed quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jade--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m still pissed off and hurt, Vega. I thought that you’d be the one upset and I’d already planned out shit for us to do to stay connected while I’m gone. Because yes, I’m taking the role. It’ll suck to be away from you but it’s been my dream to work with Tawny Walker-Black since I was a kid and it’ll get my foot in the door too. I’m not that much of a sentimental idiot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jade--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You broke my heart and fucked with my trust, Tori. You get that, don’t you? How hard it is for me to trust anyone or let them in? Hell, I can hardly believe I’m saying this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do,” Tori whispered, looking wounded. “And I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Screw your sorry, Vega. I’m in love with you too and we only have two weeks together left. We have to deal with this shit but I don’t want to waste any time. You’ll have to make it up to me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can do that,” Tori sniffled, shaking her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. Then get your ass up here,” Jade smirked, tugging at Tori’s wrist. The other girl followed her lead for once and soon they were lying face-to-face, arms wrapped around each other, staring into each other’s eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That is, until Tori started crying again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jade sighed and pulled her closer, gently stroking her hair. “I forgive you,” she whispered into Tori’s ear, frowning when Tori only cried harder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She did the only thing she could think of then, the thing that had calmed her own nerves earlier that night when she’d thought she’d lost everything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sang. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jade sang until Tori’s sobs slowly subsided, turning into a deep, even breathing and she knew she’d cried herself to sleep. Her body was relaxed in her arms and Jade couldn’t help but brush a kiss over her forehead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart felt like it was bleeding but Tori had put a bandage over it and somehow, she just knew that they’d be okay. </span>
</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought by leaving me a review!</p><p>And one last note: the title for this comes from Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, particularly the Sleeping At Last cover. The full lyric is "But my silent fears have gripped me long before I reach the phone, long before my tongue has tripped me" and it just really suited the vibe of this story for me.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>